17 February 2016

WITH petrol being rather expensive, and never seeming to cheapen despite world oil prices crashing, it’s not surprising when people lose their minds around the pump.

The occasional tantrum or long-winded rant might be par for the course, but today we present five truly spectacular brain-fades for which we can thank petrol.

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5. Burglar tries to rob a servo, ends up calling police on himself

Service stations are popular places, both for people who need petrol and for people who have a pressing need to commit criminal acts.

A man in his 40s in Basildon, UK, decided he was going to rob an ASDA service station one evening. We may not agree with his decision, but that’s what he did.

During his attempt, he tripped a security device and wound up locked inside the ASDA with no hope of exit. His response to his being kidnapped by the building was to call the police.

According to official reports, his exact words were “Basildon, near petrol garage, help”

Police were unable to call his phone back after the initial call, but they were able to detain the man on suspicion of burglary. Who would have thought?

4. Man tries to rob a servo with a boomerang

A boomerang is a surprisingly sophisticated and elegant weapon with a long history on this continent.

It is utterly useless for robbing a service station.

A 31-year-old Brisbane man discovered this the hard way when he tried to rob a Shell by waiving the boomerang at the attended.

The attendant was having none of that and the police were called. The man, who’d asked pretty much everyone in the place for money, was arrested. Luckily for him, his attempt was so weak that he wasn’t charged.

3. That isn’t petrol, mate

A couple of criminals have tried to beat the price at the pump by flogging petrol directly from a visiting tour bus.

Unfortunately for them, they found the wrong valve, and what they thought was petrol, was, in fact, the waste tank’s contents.

Having tried to syphon sewerage, the burglars scarpered.

According to Yahoo news, police aren’t tracking the stolen goods.

2. Kill it with – wait, no, don’t do that

If you’ve been on the internet for a while, you’d have heard the refrain common to those deathly afraid of spiders.

“Kill it with fire.”

This is a hilarious meme used to bind a community of people not fond of creepy crawlies. This is not a guideline for how to actually deal with a generally helpful animal.

Sadly, a man in Center Line, Michigan, missed the memo, and upon finding a spider, tried to kill it with his lighter – on his petrol cap – next to a petrol pump.

Somehow, and we suspect deals made at midnight at a crossroads, he didn’t ignite himself. He did, however, ignite everything else.

The attendant, one Susan Adams, kept calm and, like a boss, hit the stop button and called the firies.

Well done, Susan. We’re just sorry someone was so brainless in the first place.

1. What’s the worst thing a firefighter can do?

One would imagine water would feature heavily in the training of firefighters.

So imagine the surprise which ensued when firefighters aimed their hoses at a burning aircraft and hosed it down with jet fuel.

Jet Fuel.

Fortunately, it was a training exercise. Unfortunately, fire doesn’t know that, and things got out of hand instantly.

Lines were cut about as fast as they could be and the fire was eventually subdued.

Extracted in full from The Chronicle.